One question posed by my frens today while on a KOI study break: Will you give up church because of something else? (They specifically asked abt gf la...) Answer? At that moment, wat i said was that i would give up church even if it is not becos of relationship issues... Ok, that sounded bad, lets try again... Church is a seperate entity, one that will not be affected by external issues.. It has been my habit, my ritual, since the time i laid my foot on this planet.. But more importantly, it has been my home, my hiding place, my comfort, the place where i found much joy... If there ever comes a day when i want to give it up, it would be cos i need to, and not by the influence of any other factors....

Just a random thought... We are supposed to be the Salt and Light of this world.. But how is it even manageable when the world in the 21st century see Salt as unhealthy, and rather live in Darkness than in Light? Just thought of that when eating fries (U know, the REAL unhealthy salt)... Was revising for Sociology just now, and i came across the Marxist view of religion... It was a diff concept, in the fact that it was Humans who created God, instead of God that created Humans... Although it was taught to me since young that God created the Homo Sapiens out of dirt and dust of the earth, there has been an equal and opposite force teaching the exact opposite of the theory extracted from the bible.. That Humans are the one who created God out of dirt and dust seem to be the more rational answer (Seeing the fact that many gods are made of materials of this world, as are the symbols that represent them)... So who is right???

Personal Opinion (And super biased towards Christianity): I believe that I am believing in a true God. A God that lives, not one that is dead.. My God communicates, talks, listens, touches, and do many more physical things that can be considered 'real'... But all in all, i like to believe that my God is an irrational God that created rationality... Take the story of 5 loaves and 2 fish for example... I mean, 5 loaves fed 5000 people, and 7 loaves fed 4000... Ignoring how awesome the miracles are (or how humongous the bread was in the past), the numbers fail to correlate... It's either God loves being irrational, or the Creator of Math is bad at His own subject...

More important than who is right, i guess it would be who is more influential... U can be wrong, but still draw the crowds and make everyone adjust their expectations to your standards... So each to their own opinions, and their own scope of influences... I shall continue to enjoy saltiness...

Dun play with God, He doesn't joke around.... This mornings' insight is just that, and i am so baffled by how He does all these stuff... Long story short, i was deciding whether to wake up tml morning to start a jogging routine... But the lazy old me was, all in all, the lazy old me... Can't imagine dragging myself out of bed even before sunrise to sweat it out... So i did wat some of my cell members have been doing... I asked God.... So i turned off the 6:30am alarm, and told God that if it was in His favour that i wake up at that crappy hour to jog, that He will personally wake me up... By now u shld hav guessed wat time was reveille....

Think i told Pastor the wrong thing yesterday... Maslow did not hav a triangle structure in his theory of Hierarchy of needs... But i guess it just came out... And that triangle structure seems more like Weber's Bureaucracy... Although without that Greek Temple structure.... Funny how all those management theories start to become at least a little useful in life, when last year all i thought was how bullshit was the whole module...

And yes, there seems to be a structural change going on in the church right now... And change is always hard, esp for the members of the group that change will be applied to... Guess it is inevitable that ppl will be dissatisfied, against it, or even leave the organisation... But if that change is for the better, hopefully the long run positive effects will be able to outweigh the short run negative......

I totally forgot wat i wanted to blog abt.. Apparently its nt impt enough, thats why i forgot.. So here i am anyway, just wanted to rant and complain abt life... Seems like everything is revolved around money.. Everything that i want to do, need to do, involves money... And the fact is, there is not enough to go around... Talk abt learning econs, we learn all abt the "Budget Constraint", but fact is the constraint dun move around any old how... Prices dun just fall overnight, and angbaos only come once a year...

Time is Money, so is Money = Time?? Guess the person who came up with this sentence/equation really knew what he was talking abt.. Time is limited (24hours.. totally not sufficient), so is money.. But why are we so pressed for both items? We exchange Time for Money, Money for Time, and end up in the grave with neither.... Such a waste of two impt resources... Might as well donate some to me...

But yes, all this ranting will not solve anything... Only getting away frm the com, and actually picking up a book will my grades improve...

Perfect.. Wat exactly is perfection? Had cell just now, and one of the reoccurring phrase is that perfect people are weird, and the un-weird people are normal.. Watched Black Swan, and the last words of the protagonist was that it was perfect.. Guess she was referring to how perfectly she portrayed her role in the play that she danced in... But ya, it takes a weird person to do a perfect deed..

There was this one person that did things differently. He claimed that he was God, put saliva on a blind man's eyes, kept quiet when asked to talk, talk when asked to keep quiet, carried the cross and died for being innocent. Now this guy is definitely WEIRD.. But if the definition of weird is perfect and vice versa, this guy is definitely perfect to the core... Not that i am encouraging anyone to spit at other ppl eyes, u get my point la...

So wat is perfect? In the context of the world we live in now, being perfect would most prob be not making any mistakes.. To get zero demerit points in a driving test (like how Johan is praying now, i hope), or to get 120/100 for an examination (my lecturer goes on and on and on forever and ever abt bonus marks..). That is the quantification of perfection.. But looking at it from a relative perspective, isn't perfection that little bit more that u do not have? Like it will be perfect if i were to be typing this on a MacBook Pro instead of my mum's Compaq laptop cos my com died (Sorry, fairly pathetic example, cos it would really have been perfect..). Or it will be perfect to get that 1% more just to pass the examination!! In the case, perfection will not be 10 out of 10, but rather that little more that will satisfy us.. So does the problem lie in the dissatisfaction of the human heart over whatever little we have? Or does perfection really matter?

So if Satisfaction is Perfection, how Perfect should someone be before they should be Satisfied? But that's not for someone to think abt after a long day of driving lessons + work + cell...

Revival

Guess this title fits the post more than anything... Been so long since i ever blogged about something.. Guess when the ways of the world takes over, and people get caught in the endless rat race (wonder why they call it that, why not other nicer cuter animals?), u dun really have the time to sit down and do all these.. By all these, i dun mean thinking of things to blog.. I mean actually sitting in front of the com and typing all these out.. Yes, i'm supposed to glue my eyes to the books now, but glue is bad for the eyes, so maybe i'll continue typing...

Guess Daniel's death brought to light the limited time we have on earth. Every moment so precious, every breath bringing us one closer to our due date. This is one of the main motivations of the me jotting down my life somewhere. Not just for my death, but also for me to look back on, to remind myself of why i am who i am right now.. During the funeral, i was so baffled by an observation.. The greatest moment of a man may not necessarily be when he is alive, healthy, standing at the top of the stage. His greatest moment was in his death, when people remembers him, remembers how impactful his life has been on their own. Truely, it still amazes me to see how work can still be done even when the person has left.

That aside, i just watched 'Black Swan' awhile ago.. Didn't know that it is supposed to be a psychological thriller, isn't it about a swan?? Anyways, the movie taught me that i shld nt stress myself out too much, otherwise i might end up having gay sex with an imaginary friend, and kill myself after that.. What an impt lesson for someone who's totally not willing to put glue in the eyes...

Guess that's it... A post....

Yes, i guess it has been ages since i last did smth to this blog... Wasn't coz i was uber busy or smth, although it is partially true... I can only say that my life has been through a small roller coaster ride, like the one in Escape theme park... Nt horrendously scary till u pee and shit your pants juz sitting in the ride, but there was movement, no doubt....

So back tracking a lil, i am a student now... I juz finished a series of horrifyingly tough papers and am supposed to enjoy my holiday... That was the plan.... So lets pick things up from the start of holiday part....

Firstly, i got a job... Not as exciting as i hoped, and doesn't pay really well, but wat more can u ask frm a part time desk job? $7 per hour is nt too bad, considering the fact that part of the job scope was to keep that seat warm for 8 hours, with 1 hour of lunch break in between... But get this straight, i feel like i am doing $14 per hour worth of work... Do your maths, u'll understand my workload...

And sadly, althou i wish to go on further, i hav nth left to post... That's all my life... Boring isn't it?