Hav your heart ever felt so heavy, its suffocating? Like a burden within you, dragging you down, making you feel breathless.. Well, i suppose thats the way reality is.. Cruel, yet kind at times. Sweet, yet it cuts like a knife..

Well, today is sunday.. Church day as well as book in day... Sad to say, i kinda feel a little pang seh today... No one to talk to after service, no one to be with... Everyone are more or less in their own little grps, and somehow the exit looks more inviting today.. I nv felt like booking in so much before, at least there is someone to talk to, to laugh with, to listen to....

Went to shop for new year groceries with my family at NTUC, and guess who we saw? Michelle Chia as well as Tay Ping Hui, apparantly filming some TV show... Comments frm my mum includes tay ping hui being more skinny than he looks on TV.. maybe its time to get a smaller screen.. And Michelle Chia didnt look as tall as i tot... She is kinda 5cm shorter than me (with high heels included)...

Well, hot topic of the day.. God's grace is sufficient for me... Ignore the fact that i feel all alone in this world of pain and suffering.. God juz reminded me of how graceful He is in wateva i do, He still has blessings in store for me... Despite being a little short on cash recently, my dear Father in Heaven has been providing.. Look back on previous post, one of it shows the splurging of cash on contact lens... Now? I hav nth to say but believe that its a small sign that He still cares... Went to collect my lenses today, since i had nth to do.. And guess wat? I got an extra pair of lens free! So if my calculations are correct, i currently hav 6 pairs of lens to wear instead of 5.. And thats nt all... I got a letter frm the government, and thank God, singapore is getting richer... The govt kinda juz donated a hundred bucks to me, giving some excuse of the inflation of GST charges.. Who cares, the main point is the fact that i got another hundred.. That kinda nt juz cancel off the contact lens overspending, but also gives me a little extra credit to spend on some new year clothes.. Well, nt being greedy, but i hope for more to come! Amen!

Hmm... I think i am juz that bit addicted to watching movies alone le.. Last time i wun even watch a movie even thou i really wanted to, if no one watches with me... Now? Heck care la, juz watch alone lor... Guess army really changes someone's mindset... Being alone feels like such a normal thing now...

Well, enough said. Movie of the week, "Trade"... It is exclusive at GV vivo only, and i really wanted to find out why my fren keep on nagging abt wanting to watch that show.. Trade somehow is a show that portrays the dark side of america's sex trade... How the sex slaves are smuggled frm mexico, poland, and all parts of the world to america... Its M18 btw, althou there are no sex scenes... At least, no sex scenes that flashes any inappropriate parts... The only parts that are flashed blatantly are the cheeks of the posterior, or which most pple refer to as butt....

I found it a nice movie, especially the fact that it is nt so simple as showing the sex trade.. The story is shown frm the point of a mexican family, in which a bro and sis combo are very close.. Sis gets caught by sex traders and bro tries to find her... Met with a few difficulties on the way, plus shows how sis also gets some help frm the other sex slaves, and is able to survive.. Then the ending is the only expected one, the happily ever part... But overall, the plot was wonderful.. Despite the seriousness of the whole story abt the illegal sex trade, there are touches of humour here and there, and the bits and pieces of emo parts, this show is really worth watching sia... Definitely a recommendation for those out there that wants to watch it....

And lastly, i paid 10 bucks on a friday afternoon to watch that show!!! Darn that Cinema Europia, or however u spell it... Its my first time there, and i was kinda disappointed... Ok, there are new chairs and all, but the table is irritating and seriously out of place, plus the air con is slightly warm.. The only positive thingy abt that cinema is that the screen is comparatively new, so there are nt many of those irritating black dots and lines that appear in old cinema screens... Sigh, no complaints la, juz feel that such a cinema shld be better equipped to suit the likings of GV freqents like me... =P

Long Weekend..

Sigh... Duno whether to be happy or sad lor.. Juz feel that i kinda wasted this 1 day off doing almost nth, getting almost no benefit, and even a little overspending..

Kinda started the day by going to the usual optics shop in city hall to get a new set of contacts... Somehow the price jacked up, and i juz agreed on buying without asking for the price.. I mean, i am a regular customer sia, and this is totally too much... $160 for 5 pairs of contact lens?!?!?! Guess i wun be going out for quite a while ya? No money to spend le...

Quite disappointed with myself over that $160... My sweetest mum (who happens to be my only mum too..) gave me a hundred bucks to spend on new year clothes... I know this doesnt sound alot, with the fact that a pair of jeans frm Levi's can cost more than that, but hey, this is actually the first time in 20 years that she ever gave me any money to buy new year stuff... I will welcome the change any day... Sadly, my new year resolution in saving money went up in smoke la... Totally evaporated with that swipe of a card, and tada, $160 gone... Nt to mention i still nd to buy solution for the lens...

Ltr, went to watch Cloverfield.. Didnt actually want to go watch one, but since i was waiting for my frens, and the meeting time was supposedly 3 hrs later, no harm watching a 1.5 hr movie, rite? Totally wrong... Wasted another 8 bucks on a movie nt worth watching... Seriously, if someone decides to make a movie using a video cam, i hope they watch cloverfield first and think again... Oh man, that 8 bucks can totally be used on something more useful...

After the movie, went to suntec for that JobDB thingy at lvl4... Nt to look for a job.. My fren juz happen to be working there... Well, it was juz 5pm... And guess wat? Knock off timing was 8... So i spent the rest of the time, 2 hr plus, sitting at a staircase outside suntec exhibition hall 04-04, reading You Best Life Now... And i daresay, this was one of the most constructive thing i did today....

Went for dinner with kania and simin at KFC later, and also treated them to anderson's... 10% off ice cream for anderson's for all SAFRA card users, so might as well take full advantage of it while it lasts... Ironic isn't it, someone who is complaining abt poverty crisis is treating his frens anderson's ice cream? Anderson's somemore leh, nt some average ice cream.. But somehow i hav this feeling that its better to give then to recieve la...

Had been thinking of a phrase in that book ever since i first started reading it.. If i dun experience a miracle today, it juz means that i am one day closer to experiencing a miracle... That sounds way too cool, but i juz wonder if i can always stay so positive to look at life this way.. Well, that book says to expect God's favour.. So i think i will try that method, since it sounds the most reliable... No other choice is there? When u are pushed to a corner, anything goes... Well, may God bless me with favour, as well as anyone reading this.. Juz rmb to share a little bit of your favour ya? =P

Today was the test for that forklift course.. Sadly, i wun know whether pass or fail until 4 days later... But kinda expecting a pass la... I mean, if u did the test and nth goes wrong, nth will go wrong right? At least thats wat i am hoping la...


Took a run juz now downstairs, wearing that red DB jersey of so long ago... Kinda reminded me of the times i had training with the boaters... Missed those trainings big time... All the hard work, encouragement, laughter, anger, victory and defeat.. Lots of emotions all rolled into one sport... So for those pple out there, dragonboating is nt some dumb sport that juz nd u to push the boat forward only, its way more... Well, all those sweat that i soaked up in the jersey during the run totally reminded me of the kallang days... I so wish i can re-live those days again some day... Juz another day of shouting encouragement to each other on the boat, while we row forward as a team...
Well, thats all past....

Shiok sia, this is the kind of life i am talking abt... Nt too hectic, nt too boring, juz nice for me.. I got some forklift course that the army sent me on, and its a stay out course! That means i muz start finding pple to accompany me on wednesday as well as thursday afternoon onwards (tuesday is booked..)..


Went to watch Le Grand Chef on sunday with teresa.. It was a very nice movie, definitely a recommendation to watch.. There is humour, tears, as well as lots of food to drool on! Ok, i didnt cry, but the person on my left did.. Made me feel so emotionless, like i am some cold blooded homo sapien that doesnt care abt a cow (watch the movie, u will know wat i am talking abt..)... After sending teresa home, i had some time to sit in the MRT to read the book samuel finally lent me, The Best Life Now. Ok, i know i am quite outdated, coz that book has been read by alot others like... very long ago? So as to nt spoil the mood of reading that book, plz refrain frm giving any info abt it ya?


Ok, back to topic.. I was reading thru the trip frm Pasir Ris to Aljunied, and i finished the first chapter.. Quite surprised i even took the book in the first place, let alone read it.. Those pple who know me well enough knows that books and me hav quite a bleak history.. But i kinda loved that last part of chapter 1...
It reads "Years ago, a famous golfer was invited by the king of Saudi Arabia to play in a golf tournament. He accepted the invitation, and the king flew his private jet over to the United States to pick up the pro. They played golf for several days, and enjoyed a good time. As the golfer was getting on the plane to return to the United States, the king stopped him and said, 'I want to give you a gift for coming all this way and making this time so special. Anything you want. What could I get you?'
Ever the gentleman, the golfer replied, 'Oh, please; don't get me anything. You've been a gracious host. I've had a wonderful time. I couldn't ask for anything more.'
The king was adamant. He said, "No, I insist on giving you something so you will always remember your journey to our country.'
When the golfer realised that the king was resolute, he said, 'Okay, fine. I collect golf clubs. Why don't you give me a golf club?'
He boarded the plane, and on his flight back home, he couldn't help wondering what kind of golf club the king might give him. He imagined that it might be a solid gold putter with his name engraved on it. Or maybe it would be a sand wedge studded with diamonds and jewels. After all, this would be a gift from the oil-rich king of Saudi Arabia.
When the golfer got home, he watched the mail and the delivery services everyday, to see if his golf club had come yet. Finally, several weeks later, he received a certified letter from the king of Saudi Arabia. The U.S. professional thought that rather strange. Where's my golf club? he wondered. He opened the envelope, and to his surprise, inside he discovered a deed to a five-hundred-acre golf course in America."


Cool? Well, i tot it was.. That certainly shows how kings really hav a totally different way of doing things.. No eyes can see, nor mind can ever imagine, what will the king of heaven will do too... But i dun mind a golf course of my own...


Well, i woke up today at 5.30am... Went to learn how to drive a forklift at PSA Vista, Harbourfront Drive... It was an interesting experience.. I mean, how often do u use your right hand on the "gears", left hand to steer the vehicle alone, left leg to brake, change gear at where u normally turn on the turning signals, and drive a vehicle that has its back wheels as the turning wheel instead of the front ones... Kinda went well though, had been thru military driving class 3 and 4 leh, wat's a forklift man?


Then went to vivo after that to makan, and window shopped arnd with a bunch of army guys.. Made alot of noise, had those store attendants staring at us, the typical guy outing... Lastly, b4 going home, caught sight of an interesting quote in River Island. It says "Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticise them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."

There is this one guy that said a sentence that made me think for quite a while recently.. He said, "When u are wearing green, nothing is fair."... Of coz, this happened to be quoted from my CSM, aka Ah Gong... And apparently other than this sentence, nothing else he said went into my brain and stayed there... Nothing except this... Kinda made me think, do i really hav to suck thumb and be like Nike to go thru this 1 year plus left? Its like telling us we are literally given no choice but to do wat we are supposed to do...


Anyway, this week was another havoc week, with half the number of pple on course, leaving the other half to slog out the pile of work that was left for us to do... So it was basically juz typing, printing, photocopying, shredding, and the cycle repeats... At least it felt gd, like that kind of sense of satisfaction that u finished those dumb office work... Wonder wat the other half of the lot will do nxt week when its my turn to go on course... Slack? Or sign that magical book?


I really need some decent slp too... Hav been staying up too many nights, and the guard duty is nt helping to reduce that... So if i seem disorientated, or drool in the bus with my eyes closed like i did juz now, pls wake me up, before september comes....

Facing the Giants

There was a special sneak preview in our church for a movie that was produced almost a year ago, but never made it to singapore.. It is a movie called Facing the Giants, or something like that.. Thought it was an excellent, and very meaningful movie.. Highly recommended to those who play competitive sports, it really reminded me of my good old days in dragonboat, as well as that tedious 24km route march back in tekong days...


What it's about: The movie is basically abt some skl rigby team getting their butts kicked coz they really hav no motivation and hav potential that hav yet to be discovered.. Then their coach was abt to get the sack, coz he nv win anything for 6 years in a row. So that coach decided to giv God the steering wheel, let him take over, and somehow, the rugby team manage to win some top league team against all odds...


What i like abt it: Its nt like a very churchy movie, althou it kinda contained quite alot of Godly stuff.. It is more like a movie that mixes religion with a little bit of humour, and that happy ending that everyone loves.. Shows that with God, nothing is impossible..


Funny parts of that movie: (1)Assistant coach using bible verses to "teach" a kicker how to get that rugby ball through the goal posts.. Incredibly funny!! (2)Coach and wife combo at wife's florist shop.. The conversation put up was a dumb one, but nonetheless does the job of tickling me.. (3)That winning goal.. How the wind kinda juz changed direction after a prayer.. Dun think its supposed to be funny, coz its supposed to show how powerful God is, even until a point he can change the direction of the wind.. But the very fact that it changed, then that kicker (the one from the previous funny scene no.1), kicked that ball across half the field, falling down in the process, was funny yo me... (4)Last part of the movie, where wife tells coach she's pregnant.. Then he kinda cried... Was expecting him to be happy or at least overjoyed? In the end, he said he was overwhelmed, and cried....


Ok, enough of the movie.. Moving on to after movie topics... Around an hour ago, b4 this post was out, i was out shopping at NTUC with my parents... Shopped around, and saw something i liked, so i go take it, go counter to pay for it... I was standing in the queue, next one in line, when an Auntie+Uncle combo stepped up.. Said the Uncle in chinese: "See, no one here wat.. Queue here la.." And the duo effectively cut into my path, jumping the queue.. I am nt really mad abt losers who cant wait in the queue for their turn, but ignoring my prescence was seriously unforgivable.. Damn the size that i am at... Damn that 90kg mass of mine.. My mum has seriously been wasting money feeding me for the past 19 years.. C'mon, i am like some darn wall of fats la! And they juz pretended that no one was there... Singaporeans nowadays..(refering to that pair only, the rest of the country is spared)

Ahh, it has been a gd 2 days of booking in camp back again, with so much to say... Let me start it of with saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY! To both YiLe and PingWu, may your wishes come true! And speaking of which, i hope u like the present! (to pingwu..) Apparently, i got the same bag as him, juz that its a different colour. His is white, while mine is "shit" green.. No pics for u to enjoy, so juz visualise.. Or u can jio me out, then i can bring my bag along.. =P

Today, while still in camp at company line, i kinda did one of the most satisfying thing that i did for this year (this year hasn't really started much ya?).. I actually helped out to clean out that rubbish dump of an office! Gosh, can't believe how much crap was stored in those drawers.. It was so much, the shredder machine got stuck so many times, and we hav to keep on changing the trash bag in it.. The papers juz keep on appearing, and they are like so nt related to wat we do now... But anyway, we cleared up the whole office, re-arranged it, added 2 new cupboards, threw away 2 old cupboards as well as a shelve, and got all the papers into files.. We even did some area cleaning, clearing all those dust arnd the area and making the place look neater.. That was some big work la! We had like 18 bags of trash to throw away.. Imagine, 18 bags of trash that was stored over the years, how dumb.. And we are the batch that has to do that certain area cleaning... But it was seriously a wonderful sense of achievement when it was done...

After bookout today, rushed to church for prayer meeting... Fell asleep on that bus 33, and lucky enough to wake up juz 1 stop b4 the one i am supposed to alight.. And ya, i still haven eat dinner... So thru the whole meeting was like nua nua already, no strength to continue on... And i was kinda sick plus sleepy also, such a dangerous combi.. Thank God i pulled thru, nv KO halfway thru.. Even got "sabo-ed" by a last minute song.. Althou we still played thru it (thanks to samuel and me combo again), it was terrifying la.. Like that SBC Christmas thingy repeated itself... Well, at least i am home now.. Time to recuperate and prepare for a busy week ahead.. And its high time i stop typing and find something to eat...

Happy 2008 to all! New year has come, its time to start feeling a little older... Can't imagine i am posting this at home, juz minutes after the new year.. Shld be outside with the crowd, cheering in the new year.. But wat to do? Juz dun feel like going out this time round.. No mood to do that today.. Oh well, its the crowd's loss...