The Box

Today's main takeaway from Easter Sunday's sermon, was that we should not let anyone, not even ourselves, trap us in a box. We should not be labelled, should not be contained, should not be fixed. We are meant for more than that silly old box that we hide ourselves in. Watched "The Croods" just now, and the same message was brought across. Unless we step out of our own caves and walk to higher grounds, we will be unable to live the life and experience the things that the dark corners of the cave cannot provide us.

That being said, I personally think that this message should be taken with a pinch of salt. Yes, we can aim for much more, free ourselves from the rules that bind us. But there are certain laws that must be followed. In music, it is advised to be adventurous, creative, and to play beautiful melodies with a hint of tension here and there to add to the flavour of the song. This still does not warrant playing notes or chords outside the progression, playing out of beat, or simply being wrong on purpose. Aside from the freestyle nonsense that we want to be playing, we must understand that freestyle is also bound by certain rules, certain laws, and treading out of it will only be rewarded with unpleasant noise to the ears. I know that giving ourselves limits, putting ourselves in boxes, does not help us grow. But will giving us a huge box to put an egg really help? Or will it just cause the egg to tumble around and eventually crack? Should we start with a small box for the egg, and wait for it to become a chick, before giving it a bigger box to grow in? If so, how big a box is big enough?

Title-less

I am lost.
Took the path rarely chosen.
Took the path at the wrong time.
I am lost.

Maybe there is a better time to take this path.
To prepare myself to walk this road.
But for now, the mistake has been made.
I am lost.

Falling deeper and deeper into this mess.
Dragging the loved ones down with me.
And now when there is no purpose, no goal in mind.
We are lost.

Or maybe not we.
People make plans, change paths when they feel like.
And all that is left is me on this cold, dark path.
I am lost.

I am lost.
Took the path rarely chosen.
Took the path at the wrong time.
I am lost.

Blue Moon

Too much of a good thing really did dilute the utility gained from it. And I thought it was just an economical phenomenon. Took my first half day off work today! And my goodness, it was only a short 4 hours, but the impact was definitely more than 4 hours worth. I mean seriously, all I did was collect my graduation gown and watch a movie during the hours that are usually spent rushing work, discussing ideas, planning projects... All I knew is that when I met my friends for dinner, their immediate response is that I was so cheerful.

And it is true. This is the one weekend that I get to really rest up and do something I want to do. A type of weekend that appears only a couple of times a year. Or once a year, I am not too sure. All I know is that this is a rare opportunity, and there is no way I will not cherish such a well deserved break.

I know that after this weekend, after this 48 more hours, it will be the same hectic schedules all over again. Reality setting back in again, everything running at full speed again. Once again it will be expectations to meet, arrows to dodge, traps to avoid. But during this time, I thank God for the break.

Sacrifice?

Just wondered about a comment made by an acquaintance some time back. According to that source, there are things in life worth fighting for, worth building your entire past, present and future around, worth sacrificing everything for. Of course, as a Christian, the correct answer would be to do all that for God. But I am just a little concerned. What is that God that we are actually sacrificing so much for?

Our God is a jealous God, and there should be no other God in our lives except for Him. If we were to build our lives around anything, it should be for Him, for His works, for His cause. There you have it, the grey area. What exactly is His works? What is the definition of His cause? I am not trying to be too analytical or philosophical or even theological, but the point I want to bring across is that one person's calling is another's curse. We may all strive for that one purpose, to build our lives in accordance to God. But how each one of us build is different. Some uses bricks, some steel, and some even diamonds. But we are all doing the same thing, achieving the same goal, working for the same cause. Who is to say whose building method is wrong?

Being a little bit more specific, the word 'Leader' or 'Mentor' is ultimately just a word. It is not God, and it never should be. Different people view and exercise that differently as well. To judge everyone with the same yardstick will be judging how well a fish climbs a tree. Different people, different sacrifice. But it is still a sacrifice.

Shoes

It shows how much we have grown, it shows how far we have walked. It protects us from external damage, it provides enough friction to walk without falling. We always try to get the most comfortable ones we can find, but we all know that we will grow out of it someday, and will need bigger ones to fit.

But sometimes, just sometimes, these shoes seem too big to fill. Sometimes it feels that I have not grown enough to wear them. Sometimes the wrong fit will expose a person to more injuries, being more prone to falling. Looking back, even though the old pair was getting tight, it was snug, was comfortable, was getting the feel of old shoes, so hard to let go.

There will come another time when once again, the big shoes turn comfortable, another time where change will be necessary. To get a brand new bigger shoe with better friction, to give enough space to grow, to embrace the new. Yes, old shoes are the most comfortable, but no one likes a person wearing the same pair of worn out shoes forever.

So fill up those new shoes. Grow up. Cos the old ones are gone, and new ones are getting bigger.

Saturday

This blog holds much of my deepest, darkest secrets. Things I keep bottled up inside of me with nowhere else to release. This place is where I complain, and I shall do just that today.

It is a Saturday, one which most people spend out having fun with their loved ones, resting the tired bodies from an entire week of torture, or simply doing the things they really wanted. That is most people. Not me. I sacrificed most of my weekends away. Call it a tithe to God, call it an honour, say whatever you want. Cos after years and years of doing this, a tithe becomes a dread, an honour becomes a label. I want to enjoy my Saturday too. I want to hang out with friends, if I had any. I want to spend this sacred day doing what I feel is as important. Serving is important, but I am always at the brink of exhausting myself every single time.

Yes, this period is not easy for me, and it is not going to be easier. So I am going to complain, but I am also going to grit my teeth and ignore the pain. Hang tough.

Looking Back

This blog has been with me for years, and much of the history is embedded deep into it. I seem to be much wiser in the past. The me now feels more like a loser, filled with doubt and misery. The more I think about it, the more I miss my past me. Is change always for the better? De we all move on to a better position? Or is the grass really greener on the other side?

Honestly, I admit to not watering or caring for the grass on my own side. It was always a touch and go for me. Too many people, too many things vie for my attention and time, and I was always proud of the fact that I can make time for all of those things. Seems like it is starting to backfire. Now, I prefer quality time to quantity time, but there is not enough of it to go around.

I apologize to many people that I have let down. To the people I should have spent more time with, to things I should have spent more time doing, I am learning to change, and I pray that I am given the time to. It is now that things need to be done, and the keyword is NOW.

Again

Well here I am again. Yes, once again I see the need to pen down my thoughts somewhere. Once again, I need to seek solace in typing my views out, so as to think better, to think more rationally, to have a plan, to know.

Society has so much expectations. Partially due to self expectations as well (never fail to blame myself in everything). Being burdened by these expectations are sometimes a good thing. There are always positive stress. Stress that pushes you to improve, stress that motivates you. But how often is that occurring? Is it not most of the time where people bring you down, snuff you out, and you are left alone to wonder why. Why is reality harsh, why do roses have thorns. Too many people paint a beautiful picture of life without showing the dark side.

So once again I start entering a post. Once again I want to commit to doing too many things. Once again I have to find somewhere to rant and rave about life's displeasing actions towards me. Until next time, once again I have to get to work.