Forward

Forced to look forward in life over the weekend. What do I want to do in future? Is where I am now where I am supposed to be? If not, where? How long should I stay here? Questions questions questions.

Watched Central Intelligence on Saturday, the one with the Rock (Dwayne Johnson) acting like a lunatic. Was funny, with some crude humour. No idea why there were kids sitting beside me in the cinema. Well, even if they are let into the theatre, guess they wouldn't understand the joke at all. All in all the show was mainly talking about a man who excelled at everything in high school, but got into a slump when in his thirties(?), at least I think it is thirties. I think that is what is happening to me right now. After schooling life, it is trying to settle down with a job that feeds me, not necessarily one that I enjoy, but one that meets my financial needs. Maybe now it is time to look at economical needs rather than purely financial.

With what little knowledge left from University days, what I remember is that one of the measurement is based on Utility. And based on a perfect world with only 2 variables, there is a balance required between said 2 variables to achieve maximum utility, or in simple terms, maximum happiness. So coming back to my problem, I have an income that I can use to fund things that I like, things that increase my utility. But I don't have a job, I have work. Sometimes I just loathe the fact that I need to go to work, to do things that I see no future in, and basically being less and less motivated day after day.

Hopefully my unicorn shirt wearing Bob Stone shows up and gives me some advise on life, but not in the movie kind of sense. That guy seriously has a few screws loose.

Headache

The discipline level inside office is getting from bad to worse. And the bosses are to blame. Without them around to enforce working guidelines, not being around to motivate staff, seems like everyone is giving up on working properly here. I mean I have 3 people blasting music here, all of different songs and genre, hence headache number 1. Headache number 2 is being triggered by staff discussing about current affairs, like which star did plastic surgery, sings like crap last time, etc. I love music, but having all these noise polluting an environment that is supposed to be peaceful and quiet? And I like a good story, but maybe cos of headache number 1, whatever nonsense the staff are discussing about, makes me want to shoot them down immediately. Like who are you to judge someone's singing, not as if you are a fantastic singer yourself, or you are an American Idol judge. Please keep dumb comments to yourself, and stop lowering the average IQ of the company...

Rawgh, getting a little too easily agitated by things right now. I know that I am no better sometimes. I do play music during work at times, I do read and talk about affairs of the day here and there. But shouldn't we respect the fact that we are actually in an office, and this feels more like a marketplace, shopping centre lobby? But it is just me. I guess I am the only one that don't view the office as my own house, and thus not willing to enjoy it like the comforts of my own bedroom. I have a lot of complaints, from their attire to their attitude, their behaviour to blasting music I consider noise. But let me rant here, since this will ultimately fall on deaf ears.

Oh Head, please heal yourself, stop hurting whenever such nonsense happens cos there is more of such things in store...

Badmouth

Ok, this thing happened the past Sunday, so things are a bit foggy now. But here is the gist of what happened. Was taking a bus to meet churchies for dinner. Did not put on headphones as it was a little hassle (I know, I am lazy...). A group of rowdy teenagers boarded the bus, made a huge fuss on where to sit, contributed to noise pollution, and broke the peace that was in the top deck of the bus prior to their arrival.

Now of course I was not thrilled to have them on board. It was Sunday evening, and I just wanted some peace and quiet. Of course I understand them, as teenagers it is only natural for them to get a little noisy in groups. What I was not pleased about is less of the volume, but more of the content of their discussion. I guess they are colleagues working together in some restaurant? They keep talking about some chef, and they also seem to be a little tipsy, guess from drinking after work (even though it was only 7pm). Point is, almost as soon as they got on board, they are constantly badmouthing their chefs and the people they work with. That was almost half an hour of vulgarities spewed onto these poor folks that are not even present to defend themselves.

It was actually on this bus ride that I looked back at the times when I was sitting with my own group of friends, badmouthing those that are not present. And looking back, I must have sounded so uncivilised, so vulgar, so inconsiderate. I was literally disgusted with their conversation, down to every word they were using to put someone down. In a way, I guess it is God trying to let me see what I used to do, and that I should not be doing such ungodly acts in future. While I cannot guarantee that it will never happen, may I be constantly reminded that it makes me look so ugly and sound so uncouth.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

Refuel

Had a terrible weekend. Ate LAKSA Steamboat with colleagues on Friday night. Didn't realise how bad an idea it is till Saturday early morning around 6am. Had a splitting headache and ended up puking. Worst part is I puked some black stuff that looked like seaweed and water, that is all. Wonder if it is something under cooked in the laksa steamboat or the Cuba Libre I had at Le Neur after...

And yes, I went to a bar with a live band to chill. Been ages since I did that, firstly cos the ppl I usually hang out with don't have the habit of chilling at bars, and secondly cos I am no good with alcohol. Anyways, went there to chill on a Friday night, realise that are a lot of ppl my age who does that, and ppl that are older as well. In fact, there was a really old uncle dancing to the loud music, really looks like he is enjoying himself. And of cos all the ppl around holding phones recording it down are also enjoying the sight. Wonder what gave him the courage to ignore the cameras pointed at him and just dance, even asking young girls around if they wanted to dance with him. Guess with age comes more than just wisdom, comes with the ability to block out noise from the surroundings. 

But I am so not used to a bar now, I actually felt that the music was too loud. Bass player was fantastic, loved his runs, hoped he could have played more. But that sub woofer amplifying that kick drum, that BOOM BOOM BOOM that hit my chest and hurt my head and eardrums. Maybe old is not too suitable a word, maybe unaccustomed may be the right word to use. Been a few years since I last clubbed, and now I cannot even tahan this music. Jialat liao la....

Refueled at Refuel cafe on Sunday. Really liked that French Toast thingy with Nutella and cinnamon and fruits. All combined into one tasty dessert that gave the cafe the name it deserves. Was really a gd way to relieve the Monday blues. Guess the days of clubs and pubs are over, cafes and afternoon tea is the way to go now.

Ok, this post is getting too long, back to work. Update again with other stuff, especially my rants :)

Hindsight

Spent a portion of the morning reading through posts that I wrote years back. Posts about movies, of virgin experiences, of YEP trips, of studying, of One Love, and of life experiences in general. In many ways, it seems as though I have moved on from my teenage years. I can look back at those posts and laugh at how childish I was, and how simple life was. But in some ways, life did not change, I did not change. Was complaining about having to suck things up and just do it just a few posts back, and after reading past blog posts, realised that I was typing the same thing years back. Same topic of having to just take things in stride, to suck it up, and just do it.

Goes to show how matured I was in the past, and that I made no progression from then. Am I stuck in a rut, unable to move on because this hole, although causes me to be stagnant, is also comfortable? Do I really need to move on? I have questioned myself many times on that. To take that leap of faith into the unknown. To step out of this comfort zone into the cyclone of turmoil outside. But the gap is too wide, the hurdle too high.

Going back to a post that I blogged about years back, I pray for 2 things. Wisdom and Courage. Wisdom to know where to to jump, and the Courage to do so. Wisdom to plan the path moving forward, and Courage to forge ahead. So be it leaping over the gap or falling into the abyss, be it tripping on the hurdle or clearing it, may these 2 things leave me with a life well spent.

Rant 08/06/16

I really don't like it when people don't keep their promises. Punctuality for example, if the designated time is 9am, you come 5min before, not 9am sharp, nor any later. Don't seem to understand why people find it so hard to grasp such a simple concept.

Why today's rant? Seems like I am tasked to do another task that I absolutely loathe. Is this what it means to grow up? To do things that you don't like, but due to others throwing the responsibility on you, to suck it up and just go with it? I refuse to accept it, especially since it was labelled as an optional task and also one on a voluntary basis. Did I volunteer? No. Did I even show the slightest interest in doing this shit? No.

I believe that at the end of the day, it is something unavoidable. Something that I will eventually try to come to terms with, suck up, and get it over with. Of course, it will continue to traumatize me for years to come, but I believe that is the intention. So yes, screw this shit, I will do it, although unwillingly, and putting minimal effort into it. End of the day nobody wins.

Ok, enough of the rant. That calmed me down enough. Enough to see that I should not be putting my trust in Man, in things of this world. That they will fail me, they will disappoint me. And in this world of reciprocity, in the law of equivalent exchange, I will fail them and I will disappoint them.

Cowabunga!

Heroes in a half shell, TURTLE POWER! Watched the TMNT film Out of the Shadows on Saturday. Was a pretty good film, good laughs all around, and the standard turtles addicted to pizza jokes. And of course having Megan Fox around just makes the show all the more interesting. 

Was watching a Youtube video from CinemaSins, and I couldn't agree more. For ninjas, they seem to make too much noise when moving around. What is with that ninja code of being swift and silent? Seems they didn't actually pay attention during ninja movement class.

But more to the point the movie was driving at. The turtles have been living in the shadows, and being the teenagers they are, they want to blend into the crowd, they want to get out of the shadows and into society. And I can kind of relate to how they feel. As a Sound man and a Bassist in a band, there are times when this becomes sort of a dilemma. You want to have that recognition for your work, you want your time in the spotlight as well. It just feels like the guitarists and the drummers get all the attention and all we get are nothing when we do our job well, but stares when we actually do mess up a little bit. 

Point learnt from the movie, just do your very best, give your life to what you believe in. People will eventually come to recognise your efforts. The spotlight is cool and all, but the most important is to believe that what you are doing is worth it. Cowabunga.

Apocalypse

Watched X-men: Apocalypse on Tuesday, very entertaining movie. Their version of Quicksilver definitely trumps the Avengers version. Guess he "didn't see that coming", ba dum tss :)

Was wondering how humans can still be living so casually in a world with mutants powerful enough to wreck the entire planet. I mean, Magneto is literally strong enough to change the poles of this Earth. Maybe they are procrastinating, waiting for mutants to turn against each other and kill themselves off, same plan as that Zemo guy had in the recent Avengers movie.

And that this entire movie occurred due to a Human error, not covering up after herself. But I like the reference that things that are swept under the carpet will one day have light shine on them, and the ugly truth will be revealed.




Other than that, I really love the opening statement. Cannot remember the exact lines, but it has something to do with control. Power without control is a disaster. You can give a man wings, but without control, he will fly to the sun and burn.

And one final takeaway from the movie. I feel that this movie speaks so much about real life. Many a times we have that much power in us, yet we do not believe that we are capable of performing beyond our own limitations. Then along comes someone with capabilities of amplifying our power, way beyond what we believe we can do. But ultimately, it is not our power that defines us, but our beliefs, and we have to take the path we believe in and not ones others try to lead us into.