Nearing the finishing line?

There is only one more day before I end this stint here in this company. And to be honest, it felt like a year wasted. Not much learnt, not much experienced. It was just a job to get income, a job to survive. And as this chapter draws to a close, I find myself wondering, what's next?

Many call life a race, or to be more precise, a marathon. You start running, go through obstacles after obstacles, you fall, you get up and go again, you meet people along the way, etc etc. If that is the case, then getting to the finish line equals dying, yes? To be able to meet the Maker tell Him you've ran a good race. Maybe that's how I should be looking at life.

I have always been viewing it as a series of short sprints, and living it that way as well. Sprint through schooling years. Sprint through first year at work. Sprinting and sprinting, always getting to one 'finish line', out of breath, and thinking to myself, where to next?

Of course this time round wasn't the case. I was ready to settle down, to run the full course of the marathon. But life has a different plan for me. It's irritating really, to want to settle down and work in a proper job for at least 5 to 10 years, but the company has to close down. I am demoralized really, and looking for that other job to sustain me for that 5 to 10 years is really a chore.

Ok, enough with the dark and sad rants in life. I know that outside this, there will always be a way. That outside all these troubles in life, there is hope. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

2017

Ah... Once again, I have ignored this blog for a few months. And once again, I am back to complain about life and why it is not going my way. 2016 was not a fantastic year for me, and to cap it off, I might be out of job soon. Sure, there were a few awesome moments in it, like how I went back to experience Dragonboating again, the awesome trip to Korea (which I didn't blog about, so maybe I will do that soon, with pics!), and of course the long awaited Pokemon Go coming out. While all these are sparks that light up the night, they fade off pretty quickly. Reality comes back into play almost immediately. And that sucks.

Sometimes I really envy those who knows what they want in life. Ok, correction. I have ALWAYS envied those who knows (or at least looks like they know) what they want in life. And once these people set their targets, they don't lose track of it. Even if life is tough at times, they persevere, they push on, because they have the goal in mind. And this is something that I have always wanted. I feel like a wandering soul on the surface of the planet, always surviving but never living. And I have tried to find my own mission in life, by trying all sorts of things. I traveled, did community work, worked retail, worked in the back end office, worked with music, learned music, and at the end of the day, it was still a question mark. And I am so sick and tired of not being able to find it.

I am still searching. Even though I am ready to give up. Give up and be consumed by the world. The world that tells everyone what you need to survive. To have a proper job and pay to feed yourself and family. To wake up in the morning to toil and earn your keep to maintain a position in the corporate world. To survive. And I am not convinced that that is they way to be. No, there is more to life than simply surviving. But until I find the life I want to live, I shall continue surviving.

Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.