On a side note...

This week hasn't been fantastic for me... So busy i rarely get time to catch a breather... So busy i'm tired to my bones... So busy my parents dun even get the chance to nag at me... Maybe this is the reason why i am so cranky and angsty (as described by frens) this couple of weeks... Why haven someone invented some kind of stress indicator that can be worn arnd, to show the amt of stress one is experiencing, so that some idiots will just keep away...

Yes, these few weeks let me experience alot of things.. How i usually let things go cos i was in a gd mood, how irritating ppl can't get anywhere near my nerves (maybe cos i am too fat?)... But nt this time... Totally pissed off by a few ppl and incidents thru the couple of weeks... Hopefully this will end smoothly, cos i dun intend to apologise or take full blame for things that hav happened...

Also due to the wonderful fact of rationality, i am beginning to understand wat i am studying in skl... All the things related to Game Theory, Rationalism, Verstehn, and many pther concepts being applied to everyday life, its just phenomenal how much is more applicable than meets the eye... One thing for sure, i dun hav the luxury of time to be blogging that much anymore.... Until nxt time...

K-pop

It has been abt 3 years since i started on this crazy path... 3 years ltr, nth has changed.. Ok, quite unfair to say nth changed, this craziness has gone worse... Instead of choosing specific things to follow, i generally watch anything available in an attempt to make myself more korean, even though the only thing i understand are the subtitles underneath (kudos to subbers of shows like Running Man, and anything SNSD related btw, love u ppl ttm)..

As the main characters of this phase of my life lands on the small tropical island which i spent my life on, its as if they are within reach, yet at the same time so far away... No, i am nt the kind that stalk stars, nor do i wait for them at the airport, outside the hotel, or pay an incredible amt of cash to watch them on stage (admire ppl who does that thou)... But until this craziness end, i guess it'll stick for quite a while....

The Investment

I change my mind... Life is nt just a gamble... In a gamble, u simply put the resources in, and pray that luck is on your side.. Sometimes u win, sometimes u lose... But now i view life differently... Life is an investment..

An investment, of which one puts his or her resources into a certain channel.. Then comes the difference between investing and gambling... A gamble is a one off event, which is determined by gain or loss... An investment, however, is one which is monitored closely, anticipated, speculated, and one which the individual does have some control over...

Now i wun just sit back and see life progress.. Gotta take forceful actions, and change the facts in front... Of course, luck is undeniably still a factor in the game of life, but the decision to roll the dice is mine, and i decide where to place my chips. Life, bring it on...

WTH

Let me pose a math question.. Lets say u are working for half a day. A normal day's work is 8 hours, so how much work shld u be given? Too simple a question? Get this straight, working adults with degrees in their portfolio can't get this right!! That's correct! Apparently if there is only one employee working for half a day, shldnt it be a given that u only give 4 hours of work? Why did 3 ppl each gave 4 hours of work, and expect me to finish it within half a working day? Dumbasses, go relearn ur math pls...

Reality

When I was just a si gin na,
I asked "Mummy, wat will I be har?"
"Will I be yan dao? Or si bei wu lüi?"
Here's wat she said to me...
"Gong simi simi? Just go to skl and study.
In future get gd degree, then can earn MONEY!"
*insert tune frm 'when i was just a little boy'*

The cruel reality of a typical Singaporean....

Motivation

I need it, badly... The drive to do many things that i have not done, the passion to pursue things i shld have achieved.. Why are such things nt available in supermarkets? If i could just buy motivation off a shelf...

Its a chore to even think abt it... Setting aside an entire day to do something, but ending up only with a rough skeleton instead of the completed end product, time has been wasted beyond acceptable standards... But everytime i focus back on the topic, everytime i look at the mountain that i have to climb, i just hold my ground...

I really need that push factor, cos pull factors are nt working anymore...

Circle Line!

Took the new circle line today! From bishan to buona vista takes approx half an hr only! Including delays!! Imagine when the system is fully operational, we can practically go anywhere easily le!

Had another round of hand twisting today.. Quite tired of the small improvement, need more! Or a new wrist...

iSteve

Dear Mr. Jobs,

Though I do not know you personally, though i may not hav met u in person, or even spoke a word to u before, u hav truely influenced my life greatly.. The way iCommunicate, the way iThink, the way iPlay, iFeel, iTunes, iCloud, iPhone, and many more that iExperience...

R.I.P. great man, u deserve it. Thanks for your wonderful device..

P.S.I

Haze has been bad, totally dun like neighbours burning forests... We are the ones getting the detrimental externality!! Hello!! But yea, PSI today meant smth else other than the pollution thingy...

Personal Spiritual Index. Thats wat i wanted to refer to.. Is there a way to calculate spiritualality (is there even such a word)?? If so, how? I hav always thought of it as a unity, either 1 or 0... Its either there, or its nt, no room for halfways, no gray areas.. But cell group today brought up an interesting point... Is it possible to 'deny yourself' a little, or to be a little holy? Guess thats wat theologians and wise men are still debating up till this day... With Mankind playing God, making their own choices, deciding their own fate, there is always that option to deny ourselves a little less, take up the cross sometimes, and follow Jesus as and when we feel like.

I love The Big Bang Theory, their jokes are simply hilarious.. But wat struck me was how ridiculous it was to try and calculate and define things that are, in a way, limitless... Science has always tried to quantify subjects, from atoms to thought patterns, but there is always that limit.. How did 5 loaves and 2 fishes feed thousands? There are some things that go beyond the logic of multiplication and division... For a God that created the World out of nothing, that is what science is missing out.. Keep counting, or stop and believe in the supernatural? Choices...

Again?

Just wanted to check, is there any point going against the doctor's orders? Definitelt right? Think abt it, i can't just waste another 5 weeks using my pathetic left hand while my right hand takes it own sweet time to recover right?

Just makes no sense as to why i hav to get a splint... That means more money, and that sucks... But now it has come to this, 5 more weeks of this... 5 more weeks of inefficiency... What a waste... Oh well, no choice.. right??

School Life

I use to hear adults grumble all the time abt work life, how it sucks and how they wish to go back to the days where studying was the hardest thing to do.. Well, that was when i was schooling of cos, and naturally i didnt understand much of their rants... I mean, they are actually wishing for the phase in life that i was actually nt enjoying...

5 years down the road, i do know now the pains of adulthood... The need to improve, the competitiveness, the lack of motivation, etc.. It was really better back when i was younger and happier, where the only hard choice i had to make was where to dine.. Nt saying this problem of looking for the perfect dinner location has been solved, rather it has just become less of an issue, with all the other nonsense in life crowding it out...

Guess the road that i hav chosen is the one less taken... Maybe i overestimated myself, dun think i can motivate myself to push thru both work and studies for 7 more months... 1 week was enough to kill... But blame it not on any other factors, but rather on the fact that i wasted my chance to study hard... Now, i just feel like going back to the good old days of school life...

Routine

Biggest take out of cell today, the word routine... The mindless ploughing through of life, just becos its expected of u... To wake up early, go to work, go to skl, even have fun... Although its gd that some things are habitual, that is done everyday, even without the mood, what matters more is the intent.. Why is the event held in that certain day and time over a constant period of time? Its like trying to explain why we celebrate National Day... To commemorate the day we became independant... Even though we criticise the performance as getting worse every year, singing stupid songs, seeing tax payers money burst into colourful flames, the list goes on.... Main point is, if its to rmb smth impt, it shld always be thought of whenever the routine starts, when the cycle repeats itself... What am i doing this for??

W.O.W

Not world of warcraft pls, i dun even play that, although many a times i wish i did... Woes of Work was wat i am referring to... Can't understand how ppl can take spending hours after hours, days after days, months, years, and even decades in an office doing the same routine tasks... Maybe momentum is a factor here, the only drive to overcome the inertia of waking up every weekday to join the crowd in the trains... Stopped work for 2 weeks due to the fracture, and i just dun feel like continuing alr... But desperate circumstances (such as an ever depleting bank account) forces one to be rational, and so here i am....

105minutes till the end, for today at least....

White Hand

2 weeks into bai chiu, the joy of being served is over, its too hard to work with one hand, and the rainy weather is causing pain, on top of the itchiness of nt bathing the hand for half a month...

One more week before the Xray, pls heal quickly....

Mobile

Now blogging can be done mobile? How convenient... But then again, every other thing has been turned into an app... From coupons to movies, games and even the bible, all in the your palm...

My life has pretty much been controlled by such technology... Although the phone and sms functions are basically ignored (nt many ppl text and call me, i'm a loner thru and thru), i still can't get by without the calendar, email, music, radio, videos, fb, twitter, and now, just maybe, the easier way to blog...

Have been expressing my thoughts and opinions more thru twitter, smth that i mv thought will even come into my life, and fb, THE social network... Dun even touch google plus even thou i hav an acc... blogging just seem to nt be as big a thing to do...

But i maintain this as a diary that i hav nv been able to keep, a spot on the world wide web to call mine.. Till nxt time...

One question posed by my frens today while on a KOI study break: Will you give up church because of something else? (They specifically asked abt gf la...) Answer? At that moment, wat i said was that i would give up church even if it is not becos of relationship issues... Ok, that sounded bad, lets try again... Church is a seperate entity, one that will not be affected by external issues.. It has been my habit, my ritual, since the time i laid my foot on this planet.. But more importantly, it has been my home, my hiding place, my comfort, the place where i found much joy... If there ever comes a day when i want to give it up, it would be cos i need to, and not by the influence of any other factors....

Just a random thought... We are supposed to be the Salt and Light of this world.. But how is it even manageable when the world in the 21st century see Salt as unhealthy, and rather live in Darkness than in Light? Just thought of that when eating fries (U know, the REAL unhealthy salt)... Was revising for Sociology just now, and i came across the Marxist view of religion... It was a diff concept, in the fact that it was Humans who created God, instead of God that created Humans... Although it was taught to me since young that God created the Homo Sapiens out of dirt and dust of the earth, there has been an equal and opposite force teaching the exact opposite of the theory extracted from the bible.. That Humans are the one who created God out of dirt and dust seem to be the more rational answer (Seeing the fact that many gods are made of materials of this world, as are the symbols that represent them)... So who is right???

Personal Opinion (And super biased towards Christianity): I believe that I am believing in a true God. A God that lives, not one that is dead.. My God communicates, talks, listens, touches, and do many more physical things that can be considered 'real'... But all in all, i like to believe that my God is an irrational God that created rationality... Take the story of 5 loaves and 2 fish for example... I mean, 5 loaves fed 5000 people, and 7 loaves fed 4000... Ignoring how awesome the miracles are (or how humongous the bread was in the past), the numbers fail to correlate... It's either God loves being irrational, or the Creator of Math is bad at His own subject...

More important than who is right, i guess it would be who is more influential... U can be wrong, but still draw the crowds and make everyone adjust their expectations to your standards... So each to their own opinions, and their own scope of influences... I shall continue to enjoy saltiness...

Dun play with God, He doesn't joke around.... This mornings' insight is just that, and i am so baffled by how He does all these stuff... Long story short, i was deciding whether to wake up tml morning to start a jogging routine... But the lazy old me was, all in all, the lazy old me... Can't imagine dragging myself out of bed even before sunrise to sweat it out... So i did wat some of my cell members have been doing... I asked God.... So i turned off the 6:30am alarm, and told God that if it was in His favour that i wake up at that crappy hour to jog, that He will personally wake me up... By now u shld hav guessed wat time was reveille....

Think i told Pastor the wrong thing yesterday... Maslow did not hav a triangle structure in his theory of Hierarchy of needs... But i guess it just came out... And that triangle structure seems more like Weber's Bureaucracy... Although without that Greek Temple structure.... Funny how all those management theories start to become at least a little useful in life, when last year all i thought was how bullshit was the whole module...

And yes, there seems to be a structural change going on in the church right now... And change is always hard, esp for the members of the group that change will be applied to... Guess it is inevitable that ppl will be dissatisfied, against it, or even leave the organisation... But if that change is for the better, hopefully the long run positive effects will be able to outweigh the short run negative......

I totally forgot wat i wanted to blog abt.. Apparently its nt impt enough, thats why i forgot.. So here i am anyway, just wanted to rant and complain abt life... Seems like everything is revolved around money.. Everything that i want to do, need to do, involves money... And the fact is, there is not enough to go around... Talk abt learning econs, we learn all abt the "Budget Constraint", but fact is the constraint dun move around any old how... Prices dun just fall overnight, and angbaos only come once a year...

Time is Money, so is Money = Time?? Guess the person who came up with this sentence/equation really knew what he was talking abt.. Time is limited (24hours.. totally not sufficient), so is money.. But why are we so pressed for both items? We exchange Time for Money, Money for Time, and end up in the grave with neither.... Such a waste of two impt resources... Might as well donate some to me...

But yes, all this ranting will not solve anything... Only getting away frm the com, and actually picking up a book will my grades improve...

Perfect.. Wat exactly is perfection? Had cell just now, and one of the reoccurring phrase is that perfect people are weird, and the un-weird people are normal.. Watched Black Swan, and the last words of the protagonist was that it was perfect.. Guess she was referring to how perfectly she portrayed her role in the play that she danced in... But ya, it takes a weird person to do a perfect deed..

There was this one person that did things differently. He claimed that he was God, put saliva on a blind man's eyes, kept quiet when asked to talk, talk when asked to keep quiet, carried the cross and died for being innocent. Now this guy is definitely WEIRD.. But if the definition of weird is perfect and vice versa, this guy is definitely perfect to the core... Not that i am encouraging anyone to spit at other ppl eyes, u get my point la...

So wat is perfect? In the context of the world we live in now, being perfect would most prob be not making any mistakes.. To get zero demerit points in a driving test (like how Johan is praying now, i hope), or to get 120/100 for an examination (my lecturer goes on and on and on forever and ever abt bonus marks..). That is the quantification of perfection.. But looking at it from a relative perspective, isn't perfection that little bit more that u do not have? Like it will be perfect if i were to be typing this on a MacBook Pro instead of my mum's Compaq laptop cos my com died (Sorry, fairly pathetic example, cos it would really have been perfect..). Or it will be perfect to get that 1% more just to pass the examination!! In the case, perfection will not be 10 out of 10, but rather that little more that will satisfy us.. So does the problem lie in the dissatisfaction of the human heart over whatever little we have? Or does perfection really matter?

So if Satisfaction is Perfection, how Perfect should someone be before they should be Satisfied? But that's not for someone to think abt after a long day of driving lessons + work + cell...

Revival

Guess this title fits the post more than anything... Been so long since i ever blogged about something.. Guess when the ways of the world takes over, and people get caught in the endless rat race (wonder why they call it that, why not other nicer cuter animals?), u dun really have the time to sit down and do all these.. By all these, i dun mean thinking of things to blog.. I mean actually sitting in front of the com and typing all these out.. Yes, i'm supposed to glue my eyes to the books now, but glue is bad for the eyes, so maybe i'll continue typing...

Guess Daniel's death brought to light the limited time we have on earth. Every moment so precious, every breath bringing us one closer to our due date. This is one of the main motivations of the me jotting down my life somewhere. Not just for my death, but also for me to look back on, to remind myself of why i am who i am right now.. During the funeral, i was so baffled by an observation.. The greatest moment of a man may not necessarily be when he is alive, healthy, standing at the top of the stage. His greatest moment was in his death, when people remembers him, remembers how impactful his life has been on their own. Truely, it still amazes me to see how work can still be done even when the person has left.

That aside, i just watched 'Black Swan' awhile ago.. Didn't know that it is supposed to be a psychological thriller, isn't it about a swan?? Anyways, the movie taught me that i shld nt stress myself out too much, otherwise i might end up having gay sex with an imaginary friend, and kill myself after that.. What an impt lesson for someone who's totally not willing to put glue in the eyes...

Guess that's it... A post....